CNN PRODUCER NOTE TXBlue08, a mother of two teenagers in Texas, blogs about raising her children without religion.
She said she shared this essay on CNN iReport because 'I just felt
there is not a voice out there for women/moms like me. I think people
misunderstand or are fearful of people who don’t believe in God.' What
are your thoughts on this iReport? Share your written response via our Sound Off assignment.
Update: CNN hasn't flagged this iReport as inappropriate, but some community members have. This is a divisive topic, however it does not violate our Community Guidelines, so we ask people to please stop flagging it. We will continue to review the story as often as possible.
- dsashin, CNN iReport producer
Update: CNN hasn't flagged this iReport as inappropriate, but some community members have. This is a divisive topic, however it does not violate our Community Guidelines, so we ask people to please stop flagging it. We will continue to review the story as often as possible.
- dsashin, CNN iReport producer
When my son was around 3 years old, he used to ask me a lot of
questions about heaven. Where is it? How do people walk without a body?
How will I find you? You know the questions that kids ask.
For over a year, I lied to him and made up stories that I didn’t
believe about heaven. Like most parents, I love my child so much that I
didn’t want him to be scared. I wanted him to feel safe and loved and
full of hope. But the trade-off was that I would have to make stuff up,
and I would have to brainwash him into believing stories that didn’t
make sense, stories that I didn’t believe either.
One day he would know this, and he would not trust my judgment. He
would know that I built an elaborate tale—not unlike the one we tell
children about Santa—to explain the inconsistent and illogical legend of
God.
And so I thought it was only right to be honest with my children. I am a
non-believer, and for years I’ve been on the fringe in my community. As
a blogger, though, I’ve found that there are many other parents out
there like me. We are creating the next generation of kids, and there is
a wave of young agnostics, atheists, free thinkers and humanists rising
up through the ranks who will, hopefully, lower our nation’s religious
fever.
Here are a few of the reasons why I am raising my children without God.
God is a bad parent and role model.
If God is our father, then he is not a good parent. Good parents don’t
allow their children to inflict harm on others. Good people don’t stand
by and watch horrible acts committed against innocent men, women and
children. They don’t condone violence and abuse. “He has given us free
will,” you say? Our children have free will, but we still step in and
guide them.
God is not logical.
How many times have you heard, “Why did God allow this to happen?” And
this: “It’s not for us to understand.” Translate: We don’t understand,
so we will not think about it or deal with the issue. Take for example
the senseless tragedy in Newtown. Rather than address the problem of
guns in America, we defer responsibility to God. He had a reason. He
wanted more angels. Only he knows why. We write poems saying that we
told God to leave our schools. Now he’s making us pay the price. If
there is a good, all-knowing, all-powerful God who loves his children,
does it make sense that he would allow murders, child abuse, wars,
brutal beatings, torture and millions of heinous acts to be committed
throughout the history of mankind? Doesn’t this go against everything
Christ taught us in the New Testament?
The question we should be asking is this: “Why did we allow this to
happen?” How can we fix this? No imaginary person is going to give us
the answers or tell us why. Only we have the ability to be logical and
to problem solve, and we should not abdicate these responsibilities to
“God” just because a topic is tough or uncomfortable to address.
God is not fair.
If God is fair, then why does he answer the silly prayers of some while
allowing other, serious requests, to go unanswered? I have known people
who pray that they can find money to buy new furniture. (Answered.) I
have known people who pray to God to help them win a soccer match.
(Answered.) Why are the prayers of parents with dying children not
answered?
If God is fair, then why are some babies born with heart defects,
autism, missing limbs or conjoined to another baby? Clearly, all men are
not created equally. Why is a good man beaten senseless on the street
while an evil man finds great wealth taking advantage of others? This is
not fair. A game maker who allows luck to rule mankind’s existence has
not created a fair game.
God does not protect the innocent.
He does not keep our children safe. As a society, we stand up and speak
for those who cannot. We protect our little ones as much as possible.
When a child is kidnapped, we work together to find the child. We do not
tolerate abuse and neglect. Why can’t God, with all his powers of
omnipotence, protect the innocent?
God is not present.
He is not here. Telling our children to love a person they cannot see,
smell, touch or hear does not make sense. It means that we teach
children to love an image, an image that lives only in their
imaginations. What we teach them, in effect, is to love an idea that we
have created, one that is based in our fears and our hopes.
God Does Not Teach Children to Be Good
A child should make moral choices for the right reasons. Telling him
that he must behave because God is watching means that his morality will
be externally focused rather than internally structured. It’s like
telling a child to behave or Santa won’t bring presents. When we take
God out of the picture, we place responsibility of doing the right thing
onto the shoulders of our children. No, they won’t go to heaven or rule
their own planets when they die, but they can sleep better at night.
They will make their family proud. They will feel better about who they
are. They will be decent people.
God Teaches Narcissism
“God has a plan for you.” Telling kids there is a big guy in the sky
who has a special path for them makes children narcissistic; it makes
them think the world is at their disposal and that, no matter what
happens, it doesn’t really matter because God is in control. That gives
kids a sense of false security and creates selfishness. “No matter what I
do, God loves me and forgives me. He knows my purpose. I am special.”
The irony is that, while we tell this story to our kids, other children
are abused and murdered, starved and neglected. All part of God’s plan,
right?
When we raise kids without God, we tell them the truth—we are no more
special than the next creature. We are just a very, very small part of a
big, big machine–whether that machine is nature or society–the
influence we have is minuscule. The realization of our insignificance
gives us a true sense of humbleness.
I understand why people need God. I understand why people need heaven.
It is terrifying to think that we are all alone in this universe, that
one day we—along with the children we love so much—will cease to exist.
The idea of God and an afterlife gives many of us structure, community
and hope.
I do not want religion to go away. I only want religion to be kept at
home or in church where it belongs. It’s a personal effect, like a
toothbrush or a pair of shoes. It’s not something to be used or worn by
strangers. I want my children to be free not to believe and to know that
our schools and our government will make decisions based on what is
logical, just and fair—not on what they believe an imaginary God wants.